Recurring Image

Dreams. I am fascinated by them. Mine tend to come in waves that alternate between the bland and forgettable on the one hand and the unbelievably vivid and powerful on the other. They say you shouldn't talk too much about them because people tend to create a generalized platform to interpret them - which may not always ring true. I believe the reason is that there are a flurry of discrete factors that are unique to only the dreamer that an objective eye could not possibly entirely understand. Such things as past experiences, current situations, depth of emotion - to name a few.

For the past few years there has been one creature that has continued to show up one way or another in my dreams: a lion. Much like the animal, the dream is one that makes its presence felt - subconsciously. More freakily the suggestions of the dream tend to translate into a reality. The context always changes though. In these dreams I am feeding them, dancing with them, being attacked by them, attacking them, running alongside them or actually being one.

So, as a kind of tribute to the abyss that is my subconscious, I have decided to investigate the nature of this creature. Here are a couple of interesting facts:

• Most cat species live a fundamentally solitary existence, but the lion is an exception. It has developed a social system based on teamwork and a division of labor within the pride, and an extended but closed family unit centered around a group of related females.
• Females do 85 to 90 percent of the pride's hunting, while the males patrol the territory and protect the pride, for which they take the "lion's share" of the females' prey
• The pride usually remains intact until the males are challenged and successfully driven away or killed by other males, who then take over. Not all lions live in prides
• If one lion kills another when joining a pride the defeated lions cubs will be killed.
• The hyena is one of the lion's greatest competitors for prey
• A lion's roar can be heard up to 5 miles away
• For the lion and lioness couple, it's all about quantity, not quality. Though romps usually only last for 10 seconds, the process is repeated up to 40 times a day - now that's stamina!
• The lion is the only member of the cat family with a tasseled tail, which serves a purpose beyond aesthetics. It's often used to signal to other members of the pride, with messages ranging from directional, "this way" commands to flirtatious, "come hither" invitations.
• An ancient symbol of the sun, dominion, power, ferocity and bravery, the lion was often used on heraldic shields, flags or banners by medieval European rulers.

There is an old chinese proverb that says a 'lion's pride does not come from the size of its mane but from its ability to build a stable family and social network.' Okay I totally made that up but I have to say I think there is some truth to it.

When Time Does Not Matter Anymore

When Time does not matter anymore
I hope that last heart beat unlocks a lighted-door
And my thoughts are tied to the right principles
And the Earth and Wind spell them all out on the walls
So that the other people understand what my life was for.

When the invisible mountain has been scaled
And my eroded shoulders are justified and frail
I hope the roads not taken prove to be strayed
And my walk was of noble soldiers straight to their graves
Each foot step guiding next until end of days.

When Temptation’s whispers have ceased to allure,
And the inborn Scale reveals the virtues and black pores,
I hope I rise up at the brow of dawn
Whilst knowing through heart I did more right than wrong
Then and only then can I find Peace with sunlit palms.

When the last kiss has been eternally sealed
And the language of Love has spoken with pure zeal
Of the depths of my feelings that can no longer conceal
The shape of my heart and the part you possess and hold and feel
I hope it was all worth the effort and more importantly was real.

O please believe me when Time does not matter anymore
And everything is laid out across the floor
The map of existence, the secrets of yore
I hope to have read the world to elevate our souls
And fully understand what my life was for.

In loving memory of my dear Aunt, Kareema "Kookoo" Addas, who embodied the Spirit of Joy. Rest in Peace.

A Message to Back-Stabbers

Dear Coward,

Your actions are devious and you sadly don't know it. You prey on innocence and naivete. You admire with yellow eyes when I am strong and sharpen your knife when I am weak. You bask in my light when I shine and do not hesitate to take a stab at my back as I look the other way. You lie, plot and scheme when I have left the room. When I return you present a false facade to manipulate.

You play by the rules in a world of slanted mirrors and smoke screens where the truth is there, but distorted to suit your reflection. You present that reflection to 'those that matter' in order to achieve your dirty goals. You believe that concealing the whole truth is not the same as lying. I look forward to the day when you learn how wrong you are - the hard way.

What you do not know is that Time is right behind you, watching your every move.

There is a light that shines through actions, words and thoughts. It is the dividing line between my noble heart and your reptilian blood. It is that sparkle in my eye you cannot look straight at for long. You look away because you can see the fire inside that will one day swallow you whole. You quiver at that split second thought. True, you may bask in your oasis and think you're on top of the world. Rest assured I will never harm you. In fact I'll even let you do as you please. Just remember that one day the clouds in your sky will relentlessly part and reveal that everything you lied for and stole was just a silly mirage. At that moment your heart will start to shake. Your temples will drip with sweat. You'll look for help but realize there is no one by your side. You'll fall on your knees with tears of self pity.

May you have mercy on your own soul because when you need me I will not forgive you. Why not? Because I have been forgiving you since the beginning. You thought of it as 'getting off the hook' if ever I seemed indifferent to a situation you tried to weasel your way out of - in the hope that I would out find out. Nope. That's another benefit of another doubt I generously yet silently handed you - and was ultimately left disappointed. So no forgiveness. I am not as great as God. You can speak to Him about that. That is, if you remember how to.

So keep doing what you do, dear Coward. I am at peace with my soul. My light will always shine whereas yours will eventually crumble - never to be whole.

Sincerely,

J.F

Wake up and smell the solar cells!

He took the words right out of my mouth! Alternative Energy IS the industry that will save the world. All global leaders to need wake up and smell the solar cells and make a unanimous effort to centralize the process of capturing, storing and distributing the many God-given sources of alternative energy. This energy is clean, renewable and continuous as long as the sun rises from the east and sets in the west. If we can do this, we will be contributing to an excitingly new level of economic prosperity built via the foundations of a healthy, guilt-free source of energy. Lastly, Saudi Arabia should not aim to be the petroleum capital of the world but the energy capital of the world and it has the money to make it happen.

Words of wisdom by General Bonaparte

• A leader is a dealer in hope

• Great ambition is the passion of a great character. Those endowed with it may perform very good or very bad acts. All depends on the principles which direct them.

• He who fears being conquered is sure of defeat.

• History is a set of lies agreed upon.

• I have only one counsel for you - be master.

• Imagination rules the world.

• Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.

• It is the cause, not the death, that makes the martyr.

• Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

• The best way to keep one's word is not to give it.

• The people to fear are not those who disagree with you, but those who disagree with you and are too cowardly to let you know.

• There is no such thing as accident; it is fate misnamed.

• Courage is like love; it must have hope for nourishment.

• Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily

If it's a 7-hour flight or a 45-minute drive

Music has always been food for my soul. I love it. I feel it. I think it. And I spend at least an hour a day playing it. It cathartically relieves my stress and goes the extra mile by transforming it into what I can only describe as a smile in my heart.

Anybody who has ever been in love has had a ‘505’. It’s that time and place you always go back to. Usually it is in the formative stages of an affair when you realise that you are genuinely happy with the other person. They complete you to some extent and you know then and there that life is not just good, it’s beautiful.

However, as it is with life, things don’t always remain beautiful. That smile in your heart fades. The magic dust loses its magic. You look for the fairy that sprinkled the dust on you in the first place to get a refund but the bitch disappeared. So now what? Oh yes, that’s when the memory kicks in. As if by your own self-induced trance you go running back through the cerebral neurological fibres of space and time in search for that pure essence. You know, that time when the colours of your world were more vivid; and when you close your eyes you see white, not black. Then you find it: the 505. It’s right there staring your subconscious in the face. Gorgeous. Painfully perfect.

So what now? This is where the grandmaster of life throws a trap in your walk of destiny. Naturally, you go back to your 505. But do you do so blindly with the intention to never leave it? By this I mean, do you continue to go about your existing relationship based on the memory of how brilliant your 505 was while ignoring the contradictory situation of the present where, you know what, things are not okay? Or do you take the initiative of letting go of your 505, living in the now and seeking to make better 505s in the future? Believe it or not but I am 99% sure that: a) The fist scenario is the trap and b) A lot of people who know that things in a relationship are not going so great insist on living with the first scenario rather than breaking free from the relationship early. In the latter case you are virtually digging a coffin to inadvertently bury your relationship one day.

This is the approach the singer of this song took, and I can relate. Alex sings “I crumble completely when you cry, it seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye”. Rather than cutting the relationship he is dragging this girl with him mentally. She can’t take his absence. He survives away from her by visiting his 505 and feeling comfort from that deceitful spark in his heart. She adopts a different approach. When she cries he breaks down because he knows there is nothing he can do except visit his 505.

The contrast? In the song, Nothing Else Matters, Metallica’s James Hetfield said it best: “Trust I seek and I find in you. Everyday bring us something new. Open mind for a different view. And nothing else matters”.

I think that is what we should all strive for. If either party blocks the progression towards that ideal then I don't think it's meant to be.

Everyday should either be a 505 or seed a new one for tomorrow.

A Loud Silence

OBSERVATION

It was 1am on a weekday and about time for me to go home and rest my eyes for the prospect of a new day. Delilah, my delightfully seductive yet financially demanding car, was in service so Gurbilz, a good friend, was kind enough to drop me home. We were making small talk as I was shuffling in the front seat browsing through the iPod for a Led Zeppelin song that had caught my attention earlier in the week. The sound of knuckles knocking on the car window could not distract my own distraction. Probably beggars. The traffic light on the intersection of Sary street and Madinah road is full of them. “Where the hell is that song?” I wondered obliviously.

I momentarily looked up out of the window and noticed how the traffic on our side of the road was ridiculously congested whereas the other side was a complete contrast - totally bare. Don’t you always comically think to yourself how unfair that is? Had that side of the road been frozen, one could ice skate freely using all the wide open empty spaces to perform twirls and other fancy tricks. “Aha! Found it!” I exclaimed in delight.

But in that moment something happened.

I suppose you could say the same way a bolt of lightning strikes a particular tree, a shooting star crosses one’s line of sight through the distant horizon, or someone walking down a pavement finds a 100 dollar bill – something happened. A car came bolting down the perpendicular road of the intersection and swerved recklessly onto that bare open road like a drunken ice skater attached to a diesel engine and 4 malicious wheels. The faceless driver seemed totally out of control and in that split second I realized the car was barreling menacingly towards us. As if by instinctive trance, we both looked directly at that car and paused.

SYNAPSE

Then and there, I don’t know which of the following thoughts was the most predominant:

a) He has to be one of those jokers. He’s going to come to his senses, swerve to his right any second now and carry on driving properly down the street.
b) Is he on the phone? Is he conscious? Does he realize he is about to smash into the concrete mid-street divider and potentially injure a lot of us here just sitting like ducks waiting for the light to turn green
c) Is this it? Will the next split second frame end 26 years of existence on this giant blue and white rock?

It is moments like this that I question the connotations of destiny, the argument of luck versus coincidence, and the bland beliefs of atheists.

Press play.

The driver realized he was headed for a one-way collision with a river of cars sitting in traffic, swerved to his right facing his side of the road correctly, then seemed to smash into the curb of the sidewalk and ultimately continue down the road. A piece of the car's bumper rolled mischievously in front of Gurbilz’ car. We both sat there with slightly faster heart beats.

“We’re okay. Thank God”. Honestly, it seemed like there was a force field around us. The light turned green.
“Gurbilz the light is green.” He was quiet. I looked at him and he glared back at me. “That was someone” he said.
“Huh?” I replied.
“That car hit someone” he reaffirmed.
“How do you know?”
“Because he’s lying right there on the ground”.

He put the car in drive and we made a u-turn at the traffic light. Lying on the mid-street pavement was a lifeless body. It appeared to be that of an adolescent, poor, sub-Saharan African immigrant. He was not moving. Around the body there was a small pool of blood with a smaller stream running out of it.

REFLECTION

From the perspective of a bystander, it is very strange what happens when someone dies. The passage of time suddenly seems to slow down and everything else stops to matter. Most strikingly, there is a Loud Silence that takes hold of everyone within a visual vicinity of the dead. I looked around at the other faces that witnessed the accident and saw that all eyes, some tearing profusely, were on this young man. I then shuffled to unlock the door to call some help until I noticed some Saudi young men running frantically towards the policeman standing at the intersection. That slow motion atmosphere was still there and the Loud Silence hadn’t died down yet. We continued down the road.

We sat there silently. I pondered. That boy was probably thinking about crossing the road to get somewhere. Maybe he wanted to pick up a meal from Hardees. What was on his mind, was to do something to get somewhere. What was he thinking now? What does he see? One thing that was certain was that it was his time to die. He probably had friends and a family waiting to see him and talk about the present and a bit of the future. I pondered further. Is there something us humans cannot see right now? Is his spirit floating over his body? Is there a tunnel leading to another dimension somewhere? Is the Angel of Death standing right there on the pavement?

I cannot help but wonder about the inevitability of things. This incident was supposed to happen. Maybe the boy in the accident was the same person who knocked on my window earlier while I wasn't paying attention. Had I entertatined that person's request, the sequence of events coud have changed. Moreover, had that person woken up 5 minutes earlier that morning, stopped by a store window to look at something he liked or watched a tv show for 2 minutes longer perhaps this may not have happened. But it did. It did because it was supposed to. It was supposed to adhere to the divine design of life and death.

I believe that despite our innate curiosity we, as a human race, should not waste time trying to 'figure it all out'. We are not supposed to understand the inner workings of this natural process because then we would be missing out on the adventure and blessing of life. Besides, since when did life make sense to anyone for death to make any more sense?

I have to say it really is amazing how a split second occurence can unleash energy, like that of a galactic supernova, that can penetrate the hearts and minds of those who witness it. Although I was nobody to this person, I am affected by his death. My subsequent actions and reactions are influenced by the assimilation of this particular memory. For example, I am more cautious crossing the road. We are all connected one way or another. Subconsciously, I want to show my family and friends more love - because any moment could be my last. All that is left will be memories. And so I am inspired to work on making those memories great. Genuinely great. From the heart and soul.

As we drove away in the car that night we said some prayers under our breaths. I wanted to crack a joke to break the silence but for some reason I remained quiet. That Loud Silence was unbearable. I turned up the volume on the stereo and we were greeted by the sound of Robert Plant singing “Babe I’m gonna leave you…”