A Loud Silence

OBSERVATION

It was 1am on a weekday and about time for me to go home and rest my eyes for the prospect of a new day. Delilah, my delightfully seductive yet financially demanding car, was in service so Gurbilz, a good friend, was kind enough to drop me home. We were making small talk as I was shuffling in the front seat browsing through the iPod for a Led Zeppelin song that had caught my attention earlier in the week. The sound of knuckles knocking on the car window could not distract my own distraction. Probably beggars. The traffic light on the intersection of Sary street and Madinah road is full of them. “Where the hell is that song?” I wondered obliviously.

I momentarily looked up out of the window and noticed how the traffic on our side of the road was ridiculously congested whereas the other side was a complete contrast - totally bare. Don’t you always comically think to yourself how unfair that is? Had that side of the road been frozen, one could ice skate freely using all the wide open empty spaces to perform twirls and other fancy tricks. “Aha! Found it!” I exclaimed in delight.

But in that moment something happened.

I suppose you could say the same way a bolt of lightning strikes a particular tree, a shooting star crosses one’s line of sight through the distant horizon, or someone walking down a pavement finds a 100 dollar bill – something happened. A car came bolting down the perpendicular road of the intersection and swerved recklessly onto that bare open road like a drunken ice skater attached to a diesel engine and 4 malicious wheels. The faceless driver seemed totally out of control and in that split second I realized the car was barreling menacingly towards us. As if by instinctive trance, we both looked directly at that car and paused.

SYNAPSE

Then and there, I don’t know which of the following thoughts was the most predominant:

a) He has to be one of those jokers. He’s going to come to his senses, swerve to his right any second now and carry on driving properly down the street.
b) Is he on the phone? Is he conscious? Does he realize he is about to smash into the concrete mid-street divider and potentially injure a lot of us here just sitting like ducks waiting for the light to turn green
c) Is this it? Will the next split second frame end 26 years of existence on this giant blue and white rock?

It is moments like this that I question the connotations of destiny, the argument of luck versus coincidence, and the bland beliefs of atheists.

Press play.

The driver realized he was headed for a one-way collision with a river of cars sitting in traffic, swerved to his right facing his side of the road correctly, then seemed to smash into the curb of the sidewalk and ultimately continue down the road. A piece of the car's bumper rolled mischievously in front of Gurbilz’ car. We both sat there with slightly faster heart beats.

“We’re okay. Thank God”. Honestly, it seemed like there was a force field around us. The light turned green.
“Gurbilz the light is green.” He was quiet. I looked at him and he glared back at me. “That was someone” he said.
“Huh?” I replied.
“That car hit someone” he reaffirmed.
“How do you know?”
“Because he’s lying right there on the ground”.

He put the car in drive and we made a u-turn at the traffic light. Lying on the mid-street pavement was a lifeless body. It appeared to be that of an adolescent, poor, sub-Saharan African immigrant. He was not moving. Around the body there was a small pool of blood with a smaller stream running out of it.

REFLECTION

From the perspective of a bystander, it is very strange what happens when someone dies. The passage of time suddenly seems to slow down and everything else stops to matter. Most strikingly, there is a Loud Silence that takes hold of everyone within a visual vicinity of the dead. I looked around at the other faces that witnessed the accident and saw that all eyes, some tearing profusely, were on this young man. I then shuffled to unlock the door to call some help until I noticed some Saudi young men running frantically towards the policeman standing at the intersection. That slow motion atmosphere was still there and the Loud Silence hadn’t died down yet. We continued down the road.

We sat there silently. I pondered. That boy was probably thinking about crossing the road to get somewhere. Maybe he wanted to pick up a meal from Hardees. What was on his mind, was to do something to get somewhere. What was he thinking now? What does he see? One thing that was certain was that it was his time to die. He probably had friends and a family waiting to see him and talk about the present and a bit of the future. I pondered further. Is there something us humans cannot see right now? Is his spirit floating over his body? Is there a tunnel leading to another dimension somewhere? Is the Angel of Death standing right there on the pavement?

I cannot help but wonder about the inevitability of things. This incident was supposed to happen. Maybe the boy in the accident was the same person who knocked on my window earlier while I wasn't paying attention. Had I entertatined that person's request, the sequence of events coud have changed. Moreover, had that person woken up 5 minutes earlier that morning, stopped by a store window to look at something he liked or watched a tv show for 2 minutes longer perhaps this may not have happened. But it did. It did because it was supposed to. It was supposed to adhere to the divine design of life and death.

I believe that despite our innate curiosity we, as a human race, should not waste time trying to 'figure it all out'. We are not supposed to understand the inner workings of this natural process because then we would be missing out on the adventure and blessing of life. Besides, since when did life make sense to anyone for death to make any more sense?

I have to say it really is amazing how a split second occurence can unleash energy, like that of a galactic supernova, that can penetrate the hearts and minds of those who witness it. Although I was nobody to this person, I am affected by his death. My subsequent actions and reactions are influenced by the assimilation of this particular memory. For example, I am more cautious crossing the road. We are all connected one way or another. Subconsciously, I want to show my family and friends more love - because any moment could be my last. All that is left will be memories. And so I am inspired to work on making those memories great. Genuinely great. From the heart and soul.

As we drove away in the car that night we said some prayers under our breaths. I wanted to crack a joke to break the silence but for some reason I remained quiet. That Loud Silence was unbearable. I turned up the volume on the stereo and we were greeted by the sound of Robert Plant singing “Babe I’m gonna leave you…”